Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Do You Believe?

Be careful what you believe because that is what you will experience. Your belief system is a mechanism which is uniquely yours. It is powered by your desire and controlled by your thoughts and actions. In other words, your success is measured by the strength of your belief. This is why so many people are drawn to life coaching courses.

What is it that you desire? Often people do not have a clue what it is they want, they just know what they do not want. Now is a good time to evaluate your goals and determine the end result you want to achieve. Put your goals in writing and place them where you can see them throughout the day. Read them frequently to keep them fresh on your mind.

• Be inquisitive. Research and learn as much as you can on how you can achieve your goal. Use all possible resources such as books, CDs, courses and people. Yes, people. Talk to as many people as possible who are already successful in what you want to achieve. Ask, ask and ask some more about what they did to reach success. Do not limit your contacts to only the people you already know. Introduce yourself by phone or mail, explain your purpose for contacting them and ask for a tip. The worst thing that can happen is that they ignore you. The best thing that can happen is that they become your mentor and offer support and encouragement. Chances are you will receive at least one great tip from many of the people you contact. This method is the least expensive and most rewarding.

• Be unique. Next, take the ideas you learn, embellish them and come up with your own creative process. Think of how you can approach your goal in a way that no one else has. Dare to be different. Don’t be afraid to take risks. What do you have to loose? Write out a list showing the worst things that could happen and then list all of the best possible outcomes. Always maintain your concentration on your desired result.

• Be better than your competition. When you were a child and saw your older siblings or friends riding a bike (without training wheels), you didn’t look at their scraped knees and elbows and say, “Whoa, I could get hurt doing that.” Instead, you begged to try it for yourself. With a great deal of practice and often pain, you gradually learned how to maintain your balance. Before long you were trying to “out do” your friends with your speed or fancy tricks. When you fell, you would get back on and try again with even greater determination. From your very first effort, you believed in your mind that if you got back on, you would eventually learn to ride. I bet you even knew in your mind you would be the best in the neighborhood, in your school, in the state, in the world!

• Be positive. If you see obstacles before you, then you will also only see problems. If you have hesitations that you plan will not work, then it will not work. If you are influenced by the power of negative people, then you will never be any better than they are. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of achieving.

When your desire to succeed is stronger than the pain, fear or frustration of failing, there is no turning back. I challenge you to view your goals just like you did when you were a child before you learned about self doubt and negative criticism. Remember, anything is possible as long as you believe. Make a commitment that you will not let anything or anyone, including yourself stand in your way of reaching your goals.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why Be A Volenteer?

We know that volunteering a portion of our time is something we should do. There are reminders all around us that our help is needed. Other people will significantly benefit from any time we contribute. But that is not the only reason to volunteer.

Have you thought about the benefits you will get from volunteering? If you consider the many benefits you will receive, you will be asking yourself why you aren't more involved with helping a cause. Consider these 18 reasons to volunteer some of your time:

1. To make new friends

2. To build personal and profesional contacts

3. To build your self-esteem and self-confidence

4. To develop new job skills

5. To make a difference in the world

6. To increase personal satisfaction

7. To add experience to your resume

8. To develop people skills

9. To develop communication skills

10. To do something as a family

11. To explore career possibilities

12. To feel needed and appreciated

13. To share your skills with others

14. To be challenged

15. To do something different

16. To earn academic credit

17. To improve your health

18. To have fun!

You will get more out of your volunteer experience than you put into it. Don't hesitate to identify and donate some of your time to a worthy volunteer opportunity. You will be glad you did.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Ideas That Breed Success

Let history's greatest minds help you to find true success and happiness today.

Plato. Socrates. Aristotle. Confucius. Thomas Aquinas. Hundreds, even thousands of years later, the names of the great philosophers remain legendary, their ideas continuing to captivate minds, stimulate thought, and shape the course of human history.

But what are those ideas? Why are they still impacting the way people think, understand, and act? Most importantly, how can they help YOU to live a happier, better, more fulfilling life today?

In The Seven Greatest Success Ideas: 'A-HAs' That Are Guaranteed to Take Your Life to the Next Level, public philosopher, author, and renowned business consultant Tom Morris reveals what the greatest philosophers in human history have to say about what it takes to achieve true success in the 21st century.

With the wit, charisma, and straightforward style that made him one of the most popular professors at the University of Notre Dame and a corporate speaker in huge demand, Tom roars through the wisdom of the ages. He introduces you to the most profound insights that have ever been articulated by the human mind and draws the connection between those insights and your personal, day-to-day experiences in an incredibly clear, powerful, and illuminating way that will forever transform your perspective.

Along the way, you'll also discover that you, too are a philosopher, with the innate power to think deeply and effectively about the things that matter most. With the great philosophers as your guide, you'll learn how to stop chasing the wrong things and start asking the right questions — those that will lead you straight to the answers you seek and the success and happiness that we are all searching for. The Seven Greatest Success Ideas will give you an immeasurably deeper, richer, clearer understanding of the world we live in, your place and purpose in it, and the possibilities for true success that exist all around you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Motivate Yourself Thin

If you're having trouble getting motivated to keep to your fitness program ... or if you haven't even got off the starting block yet, this article could change your life! Not completely ... that would be too ambitious! But, there's a tiny, inexpensive device that can provide you with all the motivation you need to get out and start moving your body around a bit more.

The pedometer, as it's known, can also make you WANT to do it and can even get you to ENJOY doing it! All the best life coaching courses are suggesting this as a visual way to see your walk.

What ... ? ENJOY exercising??? Surely some mistake?

Well, no actually. Please read on.

1. So, what is a pedometer?

It's a small, compact device used for measuring the number of steps taken.

And, as well as measuring the number of steps taken when exercising in your local neighborhood, it can also measure your steps whilst you're climbing the stairs, mowing the lawn, or doing the shopping.

2. How Does It Work?

It's small enough to clip to your belt and is fitted with a pendulum which measures one step each time your foot makes contact with the ground.

3. How Much Does It Cost?

Many pedometers have been given away FREE as part of campaigns by local health authorities to get people moving their bodies more.

If you can't find such a campaign in your area, you can buy a pedometer with a reasonable number of features for as little as $20.

4. What Exactly Does It Do?

You should buy a model which, at the very least, measures the number of steps taken, calories burned, distance walked, speed you've been walking and how long your routine has taken.

More expensive models may include any or all of the following additional features:

- a soothing voice to tell you how many steps you've taken

- a pulse monitor

- a stopwatch

- a radio and headphones so you can listen to your favorite radio station whilst out walking

- a step filter to achieve greater accuracy

- a back light so you can see your pedometer in the dark.

5. How Do I Set Up My Pedometer?

First you need to enter your height, weight and average stride length.

To arrive at your stride length, most instruction guides prompt you to measure out a distance of, say 10 meters, and to count the number of steps you take to cover it. Divide this number by the overall distance and this gives your average stride length.

Once it's set up, just follow the instructions to activate the settings you want to use, clip your pedometer to your belt and you're ready to go.

6. How Do I Take Readings?

At any point after you've started your routine, you can stop, flip open the pedometer and take a reading. Of course, you shouldn't do this too often as this will interrupt the rhythm of your walk.

But you can get an idea of the progress you're making by checking the number of steps taken, the distance you've traveled, the calories you've burned and so on. You'll be able to go from one measurement to the next at the press of a button.

7. How Does This Provide Me More Motivation?

The great thing about wearing a pedometer is that you begin to think about the number of steps you've taken towards your daily target.

This gets you into a 'walking mindset' and you suddenly start to identify lots of new walking opportunities.

If you had to be dragged kicking and screaming to take up a fitness routine, the pedometer is the single most important device you can use to start enjoying your workouts.

It's so easy to use and it can transform the way you feel about getting fit. It can take you from resisting the whole idea of doing a daily workout, to your really looking forward to it and wanting to do it more.

Why?

Because, after using it for a while, you begin to realize that your daily targets are not only achievable but, with a bit more effort, can be easily surpassed.

Something you thought was going to be such a grind becomes easy, because you know you can do it!

Did you ever think that was possible?

Well it is. Just get hold of your pedometer and keep wearing it. It can have a really positive effect on your fitness and health.

(c) 2006 All Rights Reserved

Monday, August 23, 2010

Psychoanalysis: The Two Edged Sword

No social theory has been more influential and, later, more reviled than psychoanalysis.Used in life coaching courses, it burst upon the scene of modern thought, a fresh breath of revolutionary and daring imagination, a Herculean feat of model-construction, and a challenge to established morals and manners. It is now widely considered nothing better than a confabulation, a baseless narrative, a snapshot of Freud's tormented psyche and thwarted 19th century Mitteleuropa middle class prejudices.

Most of the criticism is hurled by mental health professionals and practitioners with large axes to grind. Few, if any, theories in psychology are supported by modern brain research. All therapies and treatment modalities - including medicating one's patients - are still forms of art and magic rather than scientific practices. The very existence of mental illness is in doubt - let alone what constitutes "healing". Psychoanalysis is in bad company all around.

Some criticism is offered by practicing scientists - mainly experimentalists - in the life and exact (physical) sciences. Such diatribes frequently offer a sad glimpse into the critics' own ignorance. They have little idea what makes a theory scientific and they confuse materialism with reductionism or instrumentalism and correlation with causation.

Few physicists, neuroscientists, biologists, and chemists seem to have plowed through the rich literature on the psychophysical problem. As a result of this obliviousness, they tend to proffer primitive arguments long rendered obsolete by centuries of philosophical debates.

Science frequently deals matter-of-factly with theoretical entities and concepts - quarks and black holes spring to mind - that have never been observed, measured, or quantified. These should not be confused with concrete entities. They have different roles in the theory. Yet, when they mock Freud's trilateral model of the psyche (the id, ego, and superego), his critics do just that - they relate to his theoretical constructs as though they were real, measurable, "things".

The medicalization of mental health hasn't helped either.

Certain mental health afflictions are either correlated with a statistically abnormal biochemical activity in the brain – or are ameliorated with medication. Yet the two facts are not ineludibly facets of the same underlying phenomenon. In other words, that a given medicine reduces or abolishes certain symptoms does not necessarily mean they were caused by the processes or substances affected by the drug administered. Causation is only one of many possible connections and chains of events.

To designate a pattern of behavior as a mental health disorder is a value judgment, or at best a statistical observation. Such designation is effected regardless of the facts of brain science. Moreover, correlation is not causation. Deviant brain or body biochemistry (once called "polluted animal spirits") do exist – but are they truly the roots of mental perversion? Nor is it clear which triggers what: do the aberrant neurochemistry or biochemistry cause mental illness – or the other way around?

That psychoactive medication alters behavior and mood is indisputable. So do illicit and legal drugs, certain foods, and all interpersonal interactions. That the changes brought about by prescription are desirable – is debatable and involves tautological thinking. If a certain pattern of behavior is described as (socially) "dysfunctional" or (psychologically) "sick" – clearly, every change would be welcomed as "healing" and every agent of transformation would be called a "cure".

The same applies to the alleged heredity of mental illness. Single genes or gene complexes are frequently "associated" with mental health diagnoses, personality traits, or behavior patterns. But too little is known to establish irrefutable sequences of causes-and-effects. Even less is proven about the interaction of nature and nurture, genotype and phenotype, the plasticity of the brain and the psychological impact of trauma, abuse, upbringing, role models, peers, and other environmental elements.

Nor is the distinction between psychotropic substances and talk therapy that clear-cut. Words and the interaction with the therapist also affect the brain, its processes and chemistry - albeit more slowly and, perhaps, more profoundly and irreversibly. Medicines – as David Kaiser reminds us in "Against Biologic Psychiatry" (Psychiatric Times, Volume XIII, Issue 12, December 1996) – treat symptoms, not the underlying processes that yield them.

So, what is mental illness, the subject matter of Psychoanalysis?

Someone is considered mentally "ill" if:

His conduct rigidly and consistently deviates from the typical, average behavior of all other people in his culture and society that fit his profile (whether this conventional behavior is moral or rational is immaterial), or

His judgment and grasp of objective, physical reality is impaired, and

His conduct is not a matter of choice but is innate and irresistible, and

His behavior causes him or others discomfort, and is

Dysfunctional, self-defeating, and self-destructive even by his own yardsticks.

Descriptive criteria aside, what is the essence of mental disorders? Are they merely physiological disorders of the brain, or, more precisely of its chemistry? If so, can they be cured by restoring the balance of substances and secretions in that mysterious organ? And, once equilibrium is reinstated – is the illness "gone" or is it still lurking there, "under wraps", waiting to erupt? Are psychiatric problems inherited, rooted in faulty genes (though amplified by environmental factors) – or brought on by abusive or wrong nurturance?

These questions are the domain of the "medical" school of mental health.

Others cling to the spiritual view of the human psyche. They believe that mental ailments amount to the metaphysical discomposure of an unknown medium – the soul. Theirs is a holistic approach, taking in the patient in his or her entirety, as well as his milieu.

The members of the functional school regard mental health disorders as perturbations in the proper, statistically "normal", behaviors and manifestations of "healthy" individuals, or as dysfunctions. The "sick" individual – ill at ease with himself (ego-dystonic) or making others unhappy (deviant) – is "mended" when rendered functional again by the prevailing standards of his social and cultural frame of reference.

In a way, the three schools are akin to the trio of blind men who render disparate descriptions of the very same elephant. Still, they share not only their subject matter – but, to a counter intuitively large degree, a faulty methodology.

As the renowned anti-psychiatrist, Thomas Szasz, of the State University of New York, notes in his article "The Lying Truths of Psychiatry", mental health scholars, regardless of academic predilection, infer the etiology of mental disorders from the success or failure of treatment modalities.

This form of "reverse engineering" of scientific models is not unknown in other fields of science, nor is it unacceptable if the experiments meet the criteria of the scientific method. The theory must be all-inclusive (anamnetic), consistent, falsifiable, logically compatible, monovalent, and parsimonious. Psychological "theories" – even the "medical" ones (the role of serotonin and dopamine in mood disorders, for instance) – are usually none of these things.

The outcome is a bewildering array of ever-shifting mental health "diagnoses" expressly centred around Western civilization and its standards (example: the ethical objection to suicide). Neurosis, a historically fundamental "condition" vanished after 1980. Homosexuality, according to the American Psychiatric Association, was a pathology prior to 1973. Seven years later, narcissism was declared a "personality disorder", almost seven decades after it was first described by Freud.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Affirmations: Faith Plus More

A subscriber recently wrote to me:

A friend of mine is on a fixed income and has maxed out his credit cards (nearing $10,000). He has started a new business, but currently has no customers or prospects.

He is affirming that he is already successful and debt-free. What is the best way for him? Should he write checks to pay his bills as they arrive, even though the money may not be in his account at the moment? Wouldn't these concrete actions demonstrate his faith?

My Answer:
Faith is a wonderful thing - and very necessary. There are, however, approaches that may look like faith but lead us in risky directions.

Please tell your friend that he needs to pay close attention to "real" actions and concentrate on learning to provide a service to other people that they want. (Note the emphasis is on what "they" want.)

Paying bills with rubber checks isn't an act of faith. It's desperate gambling. I know from hard experience that it's nearly impossible to get the right mindset for real faith or confidence when you're circling the drain.

Your friend needs to get his feet firmly under himself with real money -- even if he has to go tend bar or wash dishes for the extra income for a bit. Honest, it's no disgrace (unless he stays there).

Remember that all faith needs feet. If you're in an airplane on its way down in a power dive, you put on your parachute first. And THEN you do affirmations.

The old biblical phrase "faith without works is dead" means just that - belief needs to be connected organically with action. Productive action. If it's not, then it's not true belief, it's only an attempt to con yourself and the gods.

Too many people hope that they can do affirmations or pray or ASSERT, and this will save them from having to make a decision and take action. But that's not the way it works. Action and affirmations must be bonded together as a single unit and support each other like two legs. Neither faith nor action can stand alone.

So you might want to tell your friend that positive thinking is good (and absolutely necessary), but positive action is also an essential ingredient.

Simply put, he'll never pray himself up a hill.

When he's willing to take action, with all the stops out, his faith will bring the lucky breaks, the synchronicities, and the chance meetings with just the right people at the right times to help move him forward. But it's the action that anchors all that potentiality into reality. ACTION.

Otherwise, it's all vapor.

"Willing to take action with all the stops out" ... some folks call that enthusiasm, others call it commitment. But it sure boosts the octane.

It's often hard to get people to see that taking a detour on the way to their goals is not a "wrong turn." It's just another way of getting where they're going. Whatever it takes.

Just remember that you don't have to give up on your dreams and goals when some little thing comes along (or not so little). The goal is what's important, not every little step it takes to get there (as long as we remember to TAKE the steps).

I'd guess that the old gremlin of impatience has killed more dreams than any other single influence. It's so common to think, "If I'm not getting there RIGHT NOW, then that's it; I'll never make it."

It might help to think of your vision of your future as a very penetrating stare. It penetrates anything that may seem to block your path. As long as you keep seeing what's in your future, you won't become stalled by the stuff that crops up in front of you today.

This may all sound trite, but it's true, every bit of it. And I learned it all the absolutely hardest way. I lived through it over and over and over and...

But eventually, even a super-dense guy like me can learn, proving that anybody on earth can do it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Inners Workings Of Your Mind

When was the last time you closed your eyes and simply paid attention to the inner world in you? As you close your eyes and pay attention to your inner self, insight is awakened. You are able to become conscious of what infuses our external world. Each of us has individual awareness or ways we interpret the world around us. Because of our unique experiences of the world, we take in multiple images across the span of a lifetime. These experiences are imprinted in our psyche and our soul.

The act of recalling these memories creates expressions or feelings in our heart. These past expressions are pondered in the inner vision of our mind and our heart as though we are re-living them in the present. In so doing, we are retrieving our soul at various points of interests that have lodged a sense of importance to our individual awareness. The movement from the world around us to the world within us is a shift in attention. This shift in our attention is a conscious choice. Here, we realize that the world around us has hidden aspects to it reminding us just how privileged we are to be aware of our awareness. This realization alone gives us identification with whom we are.

You and I are conscious beings who live in a body, but this isn't our real home. We inhabit space and time, but our real self, our authentic self, our individual awareness (soul) is a unique expression of spirit infusing our lives from an infinite number of possible correlations. We make choices every day on how our life will be lived. Each choice creates a pattern. These patterns become a statement of our character. Our character becomes a living testimony on the inner processes of our thoughts incarnating into the world we live in.

As such, the life of our soul is revealed. Every moment, we are given the opportunity to experience our soul in a variety of ways. These experiences are facets of our inner world that manifests themselves from a single expression we call spirit. The intent to focus on our past, our present, or our future desires leads us to a path. This path is a revelation of our soul seeking out an opportunity to live out our purpose. Purpose gives us meaning and hope beyond our present circumstances. It is a path into what can no longer be seen and moving our lives and our soul - into SPIRIT.

Sam Oliver, author of, "A Life in Review"

Monday, August 16, 2010

How To Self Improve

Staying calm, composed and maintaining strong self esteem in today's tough environment can be difficult but is not impossible if you follow a few simple guidelines. There are many online life coaching courses, but here are 6 tips you can use as a starter guide to self improvement.

Everything and everyone else around you can affect your self esteem. Other people can deliberately or inadvertently damage your self image. Unchecked people and circumstances can ultimately destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won't even notice. Don't let these influences get the best of you. But what should you avoid?

1 : A Negative Work Environment

Beware of a "dog eat dog" environment where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive and working extra is expected and not rewarded. In this environment no one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch, dinner, and stay at work late into the night. Unless you are very fortunate most of the time you will work too hard with no help from others around you. This type of atmosphere will ruin your self esteem. This is not just healthy competition, at its worst it is brutal and very damaging.

2: Other Peoples Behaviour

Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers - whatever you want to call them, all have one thing in common - an overriding desire to prosper at the expense of others. Avoid them and do not be tempted to join them. They may get some short term advantage with their behaviour but deep down most are very insecure, unhappy and ashamed of their behaviour. For most their self esteem disappeared a long time ago. Seeing someone like this prosper is sickening but do not join them - you are better than that!

3: A Changing Environment

In today's fast moving society it is difficult if not impossible to avoid change. Changes challenge our paradigms and tests our flexibility, adaptability and alter the way we think. Changes can make your life difficult and may cause stress but, if it's inevitable, you must accept it, don't fight it and in time find ways to improve your life. Try to manage change and try to avoid multiple changes at the same time. If a particular change can't be avoided welcome it. Change will be with us forever, we must learn to live with it.

4: Past Experience

We all carry "baggage" - past experiences which have moulded us to who we are today, but some people live in their past experiences - usually something that hurt and still hurts. It's okay to cry out when you experience pain but don't let pain dominate your life as it will transform itself into fears and phobias. If something painful happens, or has happened to you, find a way to minimise the effects. Discuss it with a friend, a family member or a professional if necessary and move on. Don't let it continue to dominate your life and dictate your future actions. Because something bad has happened doesn't mean it will happen again. Learn what you can from any bad experience and move on.

5: Negative World View

The television news is full of doom and gloom and it is true that around the world there are many people suffering war, famine or other natural or man-made disasters. Whilst I do not suggest you should not care and do nothing, remember that there are many beautiful positive things happening too. Don't wrap yourself up with all the negative aspects around the world. Learn to look for beauty too for, in building self esteem, we must learn how to be positive in a negative world.

6: Determination Theory

Are we a product of our biological inherited characteristics (nature) or a result of the influences we absorb throughout out lives (nurture)? I believe how we are is due to a mixture of both nurture and nature and as a result our behavioural traits are not fixed. Whilst it is true that some things are dictated by genetics (for example race, color and many inherited conditions) your environment and the people in your life have a major effect on your behaviour. You are your own person, you have your own identity and make your own choices. The characteristics your mother or father display are not your destiny. Learn from other people's experience, so you don't suffer the same mistakes.

Are some people are born leaders or positive thinkers? I don't believe so. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing on positive experiences for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. No-one will come to you and give you permission to build your self esteem and improve your self. It is in your control.

It can be hard to keep positive, especially when others and circumstances seem to be conspiring to pull you down. You need to protect yourself and give yourself a chance to stay positive. Improving your self esteem gives you that protection.

One way to stay positive is to minimise your exposure to harmful influences while using affirmations to boost the positive influences in your life. Constantly reminding yourself of the good things in your life will keep the impact of negative influences to a minimum.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Let The Seed Sow, And The Change In Life Will Occur

There is a concept in life coach courses called seed planting. It means that it takes time for new ideas and suggestions to be embraced. There are clients that take hold of a new idea and run with it, some take a little more time to allow the idea to grow while others can take years before the idea sprouts. Still some clients will never grasp the idea. It will simply lay dormant. It doesn't really matter what the client does with the idea. The purpose is to plant the seed and the client can do with it what they will. Sometimes the idea just needs time to germinate.

A counselor once told me that not to make a decision is a decision. She said not to choose was a choice. I thought she was nuts and went on with my life. It was five years later when I was in the middle of a situation where I was avoiding a decision that her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally said out loud, "I get it." It took years for that seed to germinate in my brain until one day it sprouted and grew into a concept I understood. I was finally ready to get it. I wasn't able to hear it before, but with time, I had evolved enough so the concept made sense. New ideas can take time to get used to. When we first hear the idea we may not be ready for it. That is fine. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be there for you.

The other side of this is not to force your ideas and suggestions onto other people. By all means share them, but leave it at that. Seed planting isn't an aggressive act; it is gentle and done with love and compassion. All you can do is plant the idea. What happens to it is up to the individual and what they are ready to hear at that very moment. The idea may sprout right away or it may take years. That isn't your concern. Your job is to plant the seed and move on.

Everyone is at different places in their lives. Sometimes you will understand the new idea right away and perhaps even take action on it in the moment. At other times it will take a while. Don't beat yourself up when you don't get something right away. It just means the idea is in germination. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be right there to support you. Until then don't worry about it and go on with the ideas you are ready for. There will be plenty of idea seeds sprouting at any given time to keep you busy.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What Is Generalised Anxiety Disorder?

Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually come replete with obsessive thoughts, compulsive and ritualistic acts, restlessness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and somatic manifestations (such as an increased heart rate, sweating, or, in Panic Attacks, chest pains).

By definition, narcissists are anxious for social approval or attention (Narcissistic Supply). The narcissist cannot control this need and the attendant anxiety because he requires external feedback to regulate his labile sense of self-worth. This dependence makes most narcissists irritable. They fly into rages and have a very low threshold of frustration.

Like patients who suffer from Panic Attacks and Social Phobia (another anxiety disorder), narcissists are terrified of being embarrassed or criticised in public. Consequently, most narcissists fail to function well in various settings (social, occupational, romantic, etc.).

Many narcissists develop obsessions and compulsions. Like sufferers of GAD, narcissists are perfectionists and preoccupied with the quality of their performance and the level of their competence. As the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV-TR, p. 473) puts it, GAD patients (especially children):

"… (A)re typically overzealous in seeking approval and require excessive reassurance about their performance and their other worries."

This could apply equally well to narcissists. Both classes of patients are paralysed by the fear of being judged as imperfect or lacking. Narcissists as well as patients with anxiety disorders constantly fail to measure up to an inner, harsh, and sadistic critic and a grandiose, inflated self-image.

The narcissistic solution is to avoid comparison and competition altogether and to demand special treatment. The narcissist's sense of entitlement is incommensurate with the narcissist's true accomplishments. He withdraws from the rat race because he does not deem his opponents, colleagues, or peers worthy of his efforts.

As opposed to narcissists, patients with Anxiety Disorders are invested in their work and their profession. To be exact, they are over-invested. Their preoccupation with perfection is counter-productive and, ironically, renders them underachievers.

It is easy to mistake the presenting symptoms of certain anxiety disorders with pathological narcissism. Both types of patients are worried about social approbation and seek it actively. Both present a haughty or impervious facade to the world. Both are dysfunctional and weighed down by a history of personal failure on the job and in the family. But the narcissist is ego-dystonic: he is proud and happy of who he is. The anxious patient is distressed and is looking for help and a way out of his or her predicament. Hence the differential diagnosis.

Bibliography

Goldman, Howard G. - Review of General Psychiatry, 4th ed. - London, Prentice-Hall International, 1995 - pp. 279-282

Gelder, Michael et al., eds. - Oxford Textbook of Psychiatry, 3rd ed. - London, Oxford University Press, 2000 - pp. 160-169

Klein, Melanie - The Writings of Melanie Klein - Ed. Roger Money-Kyrle - 4 vols. - New York, Free Press - 1964-75

Kernberg O. - Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism - New York, Jason Aronson, 1975

Millon, Theodore (and Roger D. Davis, contributor) - Disorders of Personality: DSM IV and Beyond - 2nd ed. - New York, John Wiley and Sons, 1995

Millon, Theodore - Personality Disorders in Modern Life - New York, John Wiley and Sons, 2000

Schwartz, Lester - Narcissistic Personality Disorders - A Clinical Discussion - Journal of Am. Psychoanalytic Association - 22 (1974): 292-305

Vaknin, Sam - Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, 6th revised impression - Skopje and Prague, Narcissus Publications, 2005

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Why You Want To Feel Confident

Almost all successes and attainments in life come from your ability to feel certain that you can accomplish what you set out to achieve. Confidence is the gateway to success; to the life that you wish to lead and to the dreams that you desire to live.

With confidence you can boldly progress towards your ambitions and aspirations. With confidence you can rise up and handle life’s demands and challenges. You can tackle any hurdle and obstruction, and move on to the next step of your journey to fulfilment and achievement.

One of the principle requirements to anything you want to do in your life is confidence. Confidence is an indispensable part of your development, betterment, progress and success, both at a personal and professional level. With confidence you can forge ahead to fulfil your potential and perform at your peak level.

Having confidence is the crux that allows you to achieve your true potential in whatever situation; in your relationships, your work or career, your finances and your self-image.

When you experience a lack of confidence, it may stop you from striving for what you want. This feeling of lack of confidence can be the root of many complications and hardships that block you from achieving your desires. It can be like a large thorn that continually bursts the bubble of desire.

There may have been times when you have felt a level of confidence when you were engaged in an activity that you were good at; such as driving a car, being a parent or managing your team. At those times you would have displayed a high level of certainty, which is a form of confidence.

However, there may have been other circumstances where you found that you felt less confident. On these occasions, you would achieve a fraction of what is truly possible for you. With determination and focus to pursue and gain confidence, you can develop the strength and fortitude to climb out of the depths of any circumstances, and take advantage of the opportunities and successes that lay ahead of you.

In the same way that you have learned to lack confidence, you can also learn to have unlimited confidence. And the simplest and quickest way to kick-start the engines of your brain, is to know and accept that confidence can be an acquired process; it can be learned and formatted to suit all moments.

As your confidence increases, you can take a front row seat in mastering many areas of your life. You will find that you become more and more comfortable and confident in multiple areas, including:

• Moving ahead in your career

• Starting your own business

• Embracing the risks of every day life

• Refusing to be held back by fear

• Creating circumstances rather than waiting for them

• Smiling more and enjoying life

• Dramatically improving your health

Successful and dynamic people have gained mastery on how to feel courageous and confident. When you develop and build on your own confidence skills, you, too, will feel and become a different person. You will feel much more enthusiastic, motivated and determined in every aspect of your life.

Once you improve on the way you think and feel about yourself, your beliefs and your actions will follow. You will confidently overcome the challenges that life thrusts upon you and you will manage them with new-found belief and faith in your capability to do so.

As you become more confident you abandon worry, hesitation and, more importantly, you side-step fear. The focus here is on your whole being, every part of you; your thoughts, the images in your mind, your emotions, and ultimately your behaviour and the actual outcomes in your life.

Bear in mind that as you focus on change, change does begin to happen. It is fun, motivating and very rewarding to feel and see yourself growing and improving and becoming more confident and effective day-by-day and week-by-week.

There is great power in believing that you can succeed in your quest for greater confidence. With awareness and consistency, this is attainable. Your confidence can stretch beyond any measurable scale and further still, knowing no boundaries.

Just think what you can do with all the confidence that you can have!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Positive Thinking: A Test to Prove It Works

To find out how positive you are, answer the following questions as honestly as you can using this scoring system:

Answers Points

Always or almost always 5

Usually 4

Sometimes 3

Rarely 2

Never 1

Put your score in the block on the right:

When something unexpected forces you to change your plans, and you are quick to spot a hidden advantage in this new situation? [ ]

Do you like most of the people you meet? [ ]

When you think about next year, do you tend to think that you will be better off than you are now? [ ]

Do you often stop to admire the things of beauty? [ ]

When someone finds fault with you or with something you have done, can you tell the difference between useful criticism and ‘sour grapes', which is better ignored? [ ]

Do you praise your spouse / best friend / lover more often than you criticize him or her? [ ]

Do you believe that the human race will survive well into the twenty first century [ ]

Are you surprised when a friend lets you down? [ ]

Do you think you are happy? [ ]

Do you feel comfortable making yourself the target of your own jokes? [ ]

Do you believe that, overall, your state of mind has had a positive effect on your physical health? []

If you made a list of your 10 favorite people, would name be there on it too? [ ]

When you think back over the past few months, do you tend to remember your success before your setbacks and failures? [ ]

Total Points [ ]

Scoring:

If the sum of all the scores is:

Above 55: Consider yourself a superstar – someone whose optimism is a powerful

healing force.

50 – 55: Excellent. You are a genuine positive thinker

45 – 50: Good. You are a positive thinker, sometimes

40 – 45: Fair. Your positive side and your negative side are about evenly matched

Below 40: You tend to be pessimistic. Think of ways to improve your pessimistic

Approach to life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Hypnotic Language Patterns Explained

Language is an interesting thing. The most amazing thing isn't that we get confused by it but that we're able to use it so well without confusion.

Language is such a powerful tool that, in skilled hands, it can be used to persuade, motivate, seduce and even harm.

That's right, in skilled hands (or mouths?) language can even create addictions and depression.

This power comes from learning what are called hypnotic language patterns.

Hypnotic language patterns came out of the studies of hypnosis, psychology and sales. When language patterns were first discovered the psychotherapy community realized that they could be used inappropriately. They then made a sincere effort to limit instruction of language patterns only to psychiatrists willing to pay $2000 for the weekend training.

These language patterns entered the popular culture with weekend long “seduction seminars” that began to spring up to teach lonely and clueless men how talk women into an uncontrollable state of arousal.

Now before you start to roll your eyes in disbelief let me tell you that these language patterns did just that! There are scores of now satisfied men who will attest to their power.

An example of these seduction patterns is one in which the man simple begins talking to a woman about emotions and feelings that precede arousal. There is nothing lurid or suggestive about this because it's not about arousal or sex itself. At an unconscious level it sets the stage for warm tingly feelings that might elicit a tilt of the head, a smile and a flirtatious glance.

Seduction is only one side of how language patterns are being used. They are of course very useful in sales and influence and many a politician have hired speech writers who training in these powerful tools. Ronald Reagan wasn't known as “The Teflon President” without reason. He could woo and amuse the most uninterested audience by using language. Likewise in spite of the scandals around him Bill Clinton always was able to be liked as a person.

In recent years there have even been language pattern trainings that emphasize how to use language to induce guilt, depression and suicide. While these trainers have been condemned for “turning to the dark side” there is no limit of people wanting to learn.

These language patterns often begin by painting the dark picture of the future and describe feelings of hopelessness and despair.

But the genie is out of the bottle now and people who want power, whether it's to help or to harm, are attending seminars and trainings as well as reading the many books on the subject.

To conclude, never underestimate the power of words. They are used on you in ways that you might never imagine.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Life Course Training Can Help With Focus

Are you famous or are you focused? Let’s start with “famous”. When people look at you, what do they say that you are famous for? Are you famous for procrastination…negative words…poor time management…What are you famous for? Let me share with you what I am famous for. I am famous for consistent, structured, focused daily strategies and techniques to live a victorious life. I know…that is a pretty strong statement! You see, I would rather be “focused” than famous.

I am focused on success. I am focused on assisting you in achieving you dream and discover the greatness that is inside all of you! Forget about being famous, let’s be focused. Be focused on your dreams…be focused on providing for your family…be focused on building a huge team…be focused on Finding Your Why! Let’s commit today to become focused and start changing people’s lives.

Millions of people world wide watch shows like “Who wants to be a Millionaire” or “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”. The interesting thing is that everyone sitting on the couch with a bag of popcorn watching these shows are broke. Why? Because they are famous for sitting back and watching shows on other people being famous. How about we flick the switch in life from famous to focused. Stop dreaming of other people being famous and start being focused on your own destiny! You must laser-focus in on your success and demolish procrastination and create action. Demolish resolutions and create results! Let’s demolish fear and create faith! How is this all possible by simply being focused. How do people become gold medalist, super bowl champions, etc? They take charge of their lives, hire a coach and become focused.

What are you? Who are you? Where are you going? How are you going to get there? More importantly, why are you not focused? Those that know their “Why” are very focused. I am focused on my Why of changing lives of Champions worldwide through my coaching, mentoring, seminars and success library and creating massive success in those Champions lives! Do not allow famous to get in your way of being focused. Make a commitment today to forget fame and become laser-focused! Let’s get focused and know your Why! Let’s go out and impact the world one heart at a time. Focus creates success and Fame creates problems. It’s your decision…become focused and live your dream!!!

Find Your Why & Fly!

John Di Lemme

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gratitude And Why It Helps Our Life Coaching

Well, it’s Thanksgiving again for the Canadians, but anytime of the year is a good time to practice an attitude of gratitude.

William James said, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. “

So many times people become discontent with their lives and surroundings and is it any wonder? There is a whole industry set up to make us feel inadequate. We are not thin enough, or not rich enough, or not hip enough because we are not buying the latest products on the market. The message rings loud and clear: We are not good enough!!! .

How many times have you found yourself saying, “If only _________ then I could be happy “ The problem is that if we get caught up in this way of thinking we will never be happy because there is always something more we will think we need to complete our lives.

Paul Reid said, “Poverty is a state of mind often brought on by the neighbours new car” In other words, when we see our friends and neighbours acquiring things, we often feel poor because we cannot afford these luxuries. But, in reality we are not poverty stricken, we only think we are poor. This state of mind is purely relative to whom you are comparing yourself to. If you were to change your thinking and look at the homeless, then you would realize how truly rich you are. You have a roof over your head, and food on the table. Okay, so maybe it’s not your dream house and maybe you are eating peanut butter sandwiches and not caviar, but you are sheltered and fed. Believe it or not, some people do not even have these basics.

Most people do not realize the benefits of gratitude. When we sit and think about all the things we want but don’t have we set ourselves up in a downward spiral of disappointment and negative thinking which can lead to overwork, and depression. Gratitude, on the other hand, lifts our spirits and gives us a clearer focus on life as it really is. We will be content with what we have and therefore our attitude will bring us a spirit of peace and contentment.

You may say to yourself, but I don’t have much! Well then be thankful for the little things you do have. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have someone who loves you? Do you have someone you love? Do you have food on your table? Do you have your health? Do you have a job? Do you have a pillow to sleep on?...a blanket to keep warm? Do you have your sanity? These are little things but even the smallest things we can be thankful for.

Someone once said, “If you haven’t all the things you want, at least be grateful for the things you don’t have that you wouldn’t want.”

There is always something we can find to be grateful for.

I know this sounds simplistic and I know that there are always things that many of us truly need…but if we start changing our attitudes and develop an attitude of gratitude then we will be in a better position to allow our positive thoughts to direct us in a way in which we can achieve more.

Gratitude is the first step in achieving the things you want to achieve in life. Viki King said, “You won't be happy with more until you're happy with what you've got.”

Let us make every effort to get rid of these negative thoughts that hinder our life’s journey and learn to develop positive thoughts that will help us achieve our goals.

Don’t wait until Thanksgiving rolls around each year to be thankful. Make it a point to develop in your daily life an attitude of Gratitude.